he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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