Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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