Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
