NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize