we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
