I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
