How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
