You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
