hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
