She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
