I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
