I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize