I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
