Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
