I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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