my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
