You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The air was thick with penises
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
