Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i barfeds in our rink
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
