Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
