We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
