She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
