Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
