i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
