Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
