That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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