new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Everything about him screamed your future.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize