stop calling my apartment porn island.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
