sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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