You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
