i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I understand Curling. That high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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