so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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