all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
