Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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