She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
