I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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