all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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