i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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