it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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