Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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