I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
