I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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