dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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