Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
