he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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