Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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