DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
