I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
