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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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