I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
