i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
