i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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