my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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