at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
