Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
The maid of honor just puked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
