Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
