I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
