if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
