if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
