the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
