I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize