i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize