Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
if i died would you start the facebook group?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize