I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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