he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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